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Poking at long-standing plot bunnies
Title: Separated
Fandom: FFX-2
Rating: PG
Wordcount: ~800
Characters: Baralai, Shuyin, the Gullwings
Pairings: Baralai/Yuna implications
Spoilers: Yes
Notes: So in the latest drabble request meme,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
hinikuish requested Baralai/Yuna. This is still not quite that story, but it might become that story someday. Consider it a WIP, the prologue to a something longer I have planned for the future. It doesn't directly reference "Captivated" but I do consider them connected.
A minute ago I had been beneath Bevelle, a machina pistol in my hand, which was surprisingly steady considering that I was pointing the weapon at Nooj's forehead while Gippal pled with us both, pleading by training his own gun on me. And then Nooj-who-was-not laughing, talking, coming close to some explanation that would make everything clear, that would give me a reason not to hate and fear my closest friend anymore.
Not even a minute ago. Now, somehow, I was somewhere else, I didn't know where, slumped on the ground, body aching, soul exhausted for no reason I could explain. Slim strong arms lifted me up, pulling me to safety; I looked up and it was Paine, red eyes filled with relief but also distracted.
"It's okay, you'll be fine, I'll explain in a-- oh hell." She tossed a full water skin into my lap and hurried away. I gulped the cool water down greedily, then lay back against-- something, something cool and metallic, a surface I didn't recognize, and wondered how I'd gotten here.
Except that was a lie, I remembered it all, I knew exactly where I was, what I had done, what had been done to me. I tried to tell myself otherwise, but I couldn't stop the memories from rushing back. The hatred, the fear, the utter hopelessness, my fingers pounding at the keys of Vegnagun as the monstrous weapon shuddered beneath me, death and annihilation my goal -- my own, everyone else's. How could I have tried to destroy all of Spira? I found an answer, and clung to it: I hadn't been me. Someone else had done all those things in the guise of Baralai, wearing his skin, inhabiting his personality, hijacking his brain -- as Gippal had so aptly put it two years ago, in another lifetime. Other. Foreign. Separate. Not me not me not me not...
Except it had been me. It was him, but it was also me. I had become him, somehow, his thoughts and feelings and memories merging with mine until I couldn't tell the difference, could no longer feel where Shuyin ended and Baralai began. Some analytical part of me distantly wondered if Nooj's experience had been similar and made a mental note to ask when all this was over. But the rest was still in denial and so I leaned back into the safety of Vegnagun and willed myself to forget. Not forever, just for now.
---
The girls were fighting. He was fighting them, solid on his own now -- he had drawn all of my strength and all I could do was watch as he tried to kill them. Paine, and Rikku, and Yuna.
Yuna.
Unbidden, thoughts of the Farplane Glen sprang forth, and I remembered. The feel of her in my arms again, the pure joy of looking into her eyes and stroking her hair and laying my cheek against her face. I knew that these emotions were not mine, any more than the hatred and anger and despair had been, that I was feeling Shuyin's passion for Lenne, the release of a love denied for a thousand years, and yet they were my feelings too, for buried deep in my heart were thoughts of Yuna -- admiration sparked, a crush nurtured, a hope cherished. And for just a moment, the dream had become reality as I held her close and she nuzzled into my neck and I was hers and she was mine....
I clenched my fists, burying my fingernails into my palms, and the pain shocked me back to the present, to reality, where Yuna was not mine. Lenne was Shuyin's. That was all.
---
"Baralai." The voice came from my left, low and concerned, and I looked up to see Nooj looming over me. Disheveled and bruised, presumably from battle, he held out his right hand and I took it, levering myself up as he braced the good leg and the cane against the ground, balancing both of us as I stood.
"We should get out of here," he said. "They'll finish him off."
I turned my attention to the battle and saw him slumping, weary, on the verge of collapse. And then Lenne was there, holding him up, and I noticed Yuna too, the two of them side by side, separate beings. Without thinking, almost idly, I raised my hand to my face and studied it, then looked at Shuyin's hands, no longer a part of me as they wrapped around Lenne's. Suddenly the world shifted back into focus, and I knew who I was beyond all doubt. Baralai of Bevelle, Praetor of New Yevon. Here, alive, not the memory of a man a thousand years dead, neither a ghost nor a dream. Me.
With that thought came profound relief, and my strength returned. "Yes," I said, speaking with my own voice for the first time since Shuyin had gained control, and I followed Nooj off the battlefield, heading back towards the world where life held sway.
Fandom: FFX-2
Rating: PG
Wordcount: ~800
Characters: Baralai, Shuyin, the Gullwings
Pairings: Baralai/Yuna implications
Spoilers: Yes
Notes: So in the latest drabble request meme,
hinikuish requested Baralai/Yuna. This is still not quite that story, but it might become that story someday. Consider it a WIP, the prologue to a something longer I have planned for the future. It doesn't directly reference "Captivated" but I do consider them connected.A minute ago I had been beneath Bevelle, a machina pistol in my hand, which was surprisingly steady considering that I was pointing the weapon at Nooj's forehead while Gippal pled with us both, pleading by training his own gun on me. And then Nooj-who-was-not laughing, talking, coming close to some explanation that would make everything clear, that would give me a reason not to hate and fear my closest friend anymore.
Not even a minute ago. Now, somehow, I was somewhere else, I didn't know where, slumped on the ground, body aching, soul exhausted for no reason I could explain. Slim strong arms lifted me up, pulling me to safety; I looked up and it was Paine, red eyes filled with relief but also distracted.
"It's okay, you'll be fine, I'll explain in a-- oh hell." She tossed a full water skin into my lap and hurried away. I gulped the cool water down greedily, then lay back against-- something, something cool and metallic, a surface I didn't recognize, and wondered how I'd gotten here.
Except that was a lie, I remembered it all, I knew exactly where I was, what I had done, what had been done to me. I tried to tell myself otherwise, but I couldn't stop the memories from rushing back. The hatred, the fear, the utter hopelessness, my fingers pounding at the keys of Vegnagun as the monstrous weapon shuddered beneath me, death and annihilation my goal -- my own, everyone else's. How could I have tried to destroy all of Spira? I found an answer, and clung to it: I hadn't been me. Someone else had done all those things in the guise of Baralai, wearing his skin, inhabiting his personality, hijacking his brain -- as Gippal had so aptly put it two years ago, in another lifetime. Other. Foreign. Separate. Not me not me not me not...
Except it had been me. It was him, but it was also me. I had become him, somehow, his thoughts and feelings and memories merging with mine until I couldn't tell the difference, could no longer feel where Shuyin ended and Baralai began. Some analytical part of me distantly wondered if Nooj's experience had been similar and made a mental note to ask when all this was over. But the rest was still in denial and so I leaned back into the safety of Vegnagun and willed myself to forget. Not forever, just for now.
---
The girls were fighting. He was fighting them, solid on his own now -- he had drawn all of my strength and all I could do was watch as he tried to kill them. Paine, and Rikku, and Yuna.
Yuna.
Unbidden, thoughts of the Farplane Glen sprang forth, and I remembered. The feel of her in my arms again, the pure joy of looking into her eyes and stroking her hair and laying my cheek against her face. I knew that these emotions were not mine, any more than the hatred and anger and despair had been, that I was feeling Shuyin's passion for Lenne, the release of a love denied for a thousand years, and yet they were my feelings too, for buried deep in my heart were thoughts of Yuna -- admiration sparked, a crush nurtured, a hope cherished. And for just a moment, the dream had become reality as I held her close and she nuzzled into my neck and I was hers and she was mine....
I clenched my fists, burying my fingernails into my palms, and the pain shocked me back to the present, to reality, where Yuna was not mine. Lenne was Shuyin's. That was all.
---
"Baralai." The voice came from my left, low and concerned, and I looked up to see Nooj looming over me. Disheveled and bruised, presumably from battle, he held out his right hand and I took it, levering myself up as he braced the good leg and the cane against the ground, balancing both of us as I stood.
"We should get out of here," he said. "They'll finish him off."
I turned my attention to the battle and saw him slumping, weary, on the verge of collapse. And then Lenne was there, holding him up, and I noticed Yuna too, the two of them side by side, separate beings. Without thinking, almost idly, I raised my hand to my face and studied it, then looked at Shuyin's hands, no longer a part of me as they wrapped around Lenne's. Suddenly the world shifted back into focus, and I knew who I was beyond all doubt. Baralai of Bevelle, Praetor of New Yevon. Here, alive, not the memory of a man a thousand years dead, neither a ghost nor a dream. Me.
With that thought came profound relief, and my strength returned. "Yes," I said, speaking with my own voice for the first time since Shuyin had gained control, and I followed Nooj off the battlefield, heading back towards the world where life held sway.
I
I have a problem with your use of one word. "a crush nurtured" The word 'crush' does not sit well with my understanding of Baralai at this time. It is too sophomoric a word, carrying too casual a meaning. I honestly cannot hear any of the serious characters using it. Maybe Rikku or Brother, but not the refined and educated Baralai. Ah, ignore me. I am just picking at a nit. ;)
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He's almost childlike in saying "this is me and this is Shuyin and this is what makes us different."
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Re: I
I understand what you're saying re. the word "crush", but my choice there was deliberate; Baralai is trying to separate his emotions from Shuyin's, and so to distance any feelings he might have for Yuna from Shuyin's deep love for Lenne, he trivializes them.
Thanks again, I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)
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oh and i realized i made a tiny mistake in answered the question you asked last night; Rikku was the first one to approach the guys, with Yuna and Paine trailing behind, Rikku ran over to "I'm-too-tired-to-move" Gippal. Cuz she's very subtle when it comes to crushes.Coherent review: Impossible, for brain currently is happy mush. Frothy mush. Mush that wants to dance about your brain singing the off-key B/Y song, it goes: B/Y, B/Y, you are awesome, yay!
Okay. As to the crush/not crush debate: I like it, actually. I think it works. And 'sides, educated and everything as Baralai is, he's still pretty young. :P 20 isn't exactly old, and it doesn't seem weird for me that he'd refer to things like feelings in a somewhat "young" way, you know? Oh, why is this even a debate to start with? XD
I like the sentence where you repeat "not me" a lot without puncutation. It reassures me. Not only because I have a fondness for that sort of thing, and it does seem to me to lend a nice sort of... fastness, kinda. But it's nice to see I'm not the only one that does crap like that. YOU HAVE VERIFIED ME.
XD I really like Paine's line of dialogue. For the three seconds she's there. It amuses me and rings true all at once, that she'd drag him and throw water at him and run away.
I LOVE IT ALL. Finish it now. I ORDER YOU. <3 <3 <3
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Exactly. :) Good catch.
Thanks! I enjoy the Yunalai pairing as well and hope to spend more time with it someday.
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There will probably be more to this someday but it may be awhile before I get to it. Of course, I've said that before...
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I love the rapid changes in Baralai's thought processes. The trauma of his experience causes him to momentarily forget what happened while he was both Baralai and Shuyin, but it suddenly comes flooding back to him, but he holds it off for a little while to find some peace in himself before he confronts it all. I find the dizzying skipping of his thoughts to be realistic of such a strange situation.
I like the way that Baralai regresses to chanting "not me" as though he is a small frightened child.
I love the way you explore Baralai's feelings for Lenne/Yuna and the way he remembers how Yuna felt in his arms with a kind of longing, regardless of the fact that he knows it is largely Shuyin's thoughts influencing those feelings.
I love the sense of finality in "Lenne was Shuyin's. That was all." There is jealousy there and the understandable jealousy of someone who has somehow experienced someone else's deep love and longing. That must be terribly confusing and also painful.
I like the way that Baralai is able to regain command of himself so swiftly and decisively. That shows real strength and it is good to see that strength in him.
I really enjoyed this.
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Squeeage is allowed when deserved. Anyone can give you a real review, after all. But only I can gibber incoherently! (actually that isn't true at all!) >:D
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Now, if you were to write me some Paine/Nooj, then maybe we could talk. ;) *insert evil cackle here*