Given that I haven't yet started DA2, is it possible for you to say something about how the game deconstructs the fantasy and heroic tropes without slapping me with huge spoilers?
Not... really. Maybe, but it would be hard to do a good job of it. I agree that you *can* play an anti-hero Warden, but that's really up to player choices, and in the end, the Warden is still going to save the day, even if s/he leaves Ferelden largely in ruins in the process. I would argue that an evil Warden is more of an antihero than a deconstructed hero. But yeah, it would be fairly spoilery to get into detail about how Hawke is a deconstruction of the hero trope.
Can person truly stop being a Grey Warden?
You can stop being an active member of the order, but you are correct: the Joining changes you, permanently. But this is one of the more closely-held Grey Warden secrets. It's not a worry to Eamon, because he doesn't know. And Alistair and the Warden don't tell him because they can't. Although we never see the Warden swear any oaths of secrecy, I think it's strongly implied that people outside the order are not to be told the significance of the Joining -- Duncan won't even explain the process to conscripts and recruits until moments beforehand, and you don't learn about the effects until it's too late to go back.
If you make Alistair king, and you're in a romance with him, he does have a conversation with you about his need for a wife who is not a Grey Warden, giving the reasons that he needs an heir and a mother who will be around to raise them, because his early death is assured. And then he breaks up with you (unless he's hardened, you pick the right answers, and pass a fairly difficult persuasion check). So it is dealt with, but not until it becomes a more immediate issue.
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Not... really. Maybe, but it would be hard to do a good job of it. I agree that you *can* play an anti-hero Warden, but that's really up to player choices, and in the end, the Warden is still going to save the day, even if s/he leaves Ferelden largely in ruins in the process. I would argue that an evil Warden is more of an antihero than a deconstructed hero. But yeah, it would be fairly spoilery to get into detail about how Hawke is a deconstruction of the hero trope.
You can stop being an active member of the order, but you are correct: the Joining changes you, permanently. But this is one of the more closely-held Grey Warden secrets. It's not a worry to Eamon, because he doesn't know. And Alistair and the Warden don't tell him because they can't. Although we never see the Warden swear any oaths of secrecy, I think it's strongly implied that people outside the order are not to be told the significance of the Joining -- Duncan won't even explain the process to conscripts and recruits until moments beforehand, and you don't learn about the effects until it's too late to go back.
If you make Alistair king, and you're in a romance with him, he does have a conversation with you about his need for a wife who is not a Grey Warden, giving the reasons that he needs an heir and a mother who will be around to raise them, because his early death is assured. And then he breaks up with you (unless he's hardened, you pick the right answers, and pass a fairly difficult persuasion check). So it is dealt with, but not until it becomes a more immediate issue.