focus

[owlmoose]

When I was first contemplating unemployment, I feared that I would have a hard time focusing. I'm rather lazy by nature, and I wondered to what extent inertia would take over my life. Now I have my answer: pretty strongly. I've managed to successfully take on a couple of projects, like the Nashville trip and making the travel arrangements for T, his parents, and myself for his sister's wedding in June, but so many other things I had been thinking of doing are left undone. There were a number of things I wanted to do -- learning to make bead jewelry (I have a catalog and some ideas, but I haven't gotten around to actually ordering any supplies), working on wedding tasks, writing about cities in film. And I'm only doing the bare minimum on job-hunting, sending out a resume or two a week and not following up with the contacts people have given me. It's not like I'm leaving interview requests unanswered or anything, but I could be more aggressive about follow up calls and emails, trying to set up informational interviews, etc.

I can justify it to a certain extent by thinking of it as a sabbatical, but there's a part of me that believes I ought to have something to show for it (other than a pile of finished books, an empty Netflix queue, and a stack of completed video games). Lately I've been returning to the cities in film paper; it's something I have been meaning to do for years. But I need a more specific topic than "the depiction of cities in film" -- that's more like a doctoral dissertation than an article. One idea that comes to mind is the destruction of New York City in modern disaster films, particularly the movies of Roland Emmerich. The last time I researched this topic (for a bibliography in library school), I came across a great quote by Emmerich's sometime partner in crime, Dean Devlin, from a review of their Godzilla remake: "We destroyed a lot of New York in Independence Day, and once you get a taste for it, it's a very hard habit to break." It would even be timely, with the impending release of The Day After Tomorrow, yet another Emmerich sci-fi disaster flick that decimates Manhattan. There's a big downside to writing about these movies, though: I'd have to watch them. I have seen ID4, but I missed Godzilla on purpose and have no interest in seeing this new one either. I have been pleasently surprised by movies that I watched mostly for the depiction of a future city in the past (The Fifth Element for one -- I expected it to be silly, and it was, but it was also a great deal of fun), but I really don't think these films will qualify.

Anyway. I'll go back over my old notes, watch a few films. I'll think of something. Hopefully before I find a job and have to get back to the grind.

Comments

[luvmoose.livejournal.com]

It's "not job hunting" guilt. You aren't motivated (or maybe a bit depressed) to do the job search, but you feel like you should be, so you don't want to look like you're getting anything else done either. Because if you do, someone can say "if you have all that energy and time, why haven't you spent it finding a job?".

Books, videos, and video games are less tangible accomplishments than learning a new craft or writing. While they are "stacks" in your mind, they aren't really.

I think it might be different if you made a conscious decision not to do any job hunting for x weeks. Then you could say your primary job was to craft or write. But this is just a theory I haven't tested because I had the guilt too much.

[owlmoose.livejournal.com]

I expect you have something there. And, of course, "someone" = T, who was not wild about my being unemployed in the first place. I wonder how he would feel if I conciously decided not to job hunt in favor of writing and crafting. It might be worth a try -- he did say earlier that I could be unemployed without stress to him as long as the money doesn't run out.

[luvmoose.livejournal.com]

Whose money? Because I know you had some savings/severance pay that you planned to cover "your expenses" in the downtime. I think you guys could probably be fine on just his salary, if you made a conscious decision as a couple that you were going to do that while you make a go at writing.

Although there's an issue there too, because you have to expect not to make any money at it, while at the same time, needing to pursue paying opportunities. I don't think I'm making much sense here. It's more than a mindset of "don't count your chickens", I think it has to do with feeling a sense of accomplishment, whether you earn $ or not.

Also, you could get a part-time job at that new Borders to cover some of your expenses in the meantime. It wouldn't pay what you were used to, but it would keep you around people and give you something to do when writing is frustrating.

[owlmoose.livejournal.com]

re whose money? I'm talking about "mine" - the severence/unemployment pay, which at current spending levels will run out Octoberish. We could both live on his current salary but at a significant cut in lifestyle -- no savings for big trips, not much disposable income for eating out, buying stuff, etc.

I think I know what you're saying about pursuing paid writing opportunities while not expecting to get money out of it. But I'm not sure that I really would want to write as my main job anyway. I think I'd be a terrible freelancer -- I need structure imposed from without. Much better for me, I think, would be a job with some writing in it.

Working at the Borders or another bookstore is already my backup plan, but I don't plan on going that route unless I don't have a job by the wedding (which is also around the time that unemployment would run out).

[luvmoose.livejournal.com]

Just thinking that it might be easier to get a position at Borders while they are doing their pre-opening hiring than after they open. You might get a much better position, too.

However, because you were working somewhere, you might not be so motivated to look for your next "real" job. (No offense intended for those working at Borders as their "real" jobs; that's just not in Kathleen's plan.)

Or, you could decide that you hate retail and so be even more motivated in your free time to find something better.