So...

Aug. 7th, 2022 04:35 pm
owlmoose: (athena)

This is the first time I've posted anything in over a month. Which means I skipped my writing goals post for July and have not yet posted one for August (and do not currently plan to do so). I also skipped both GYWO checkins and have barely noted any writing days during that time -- mostly [community profile] ladybusiness anchor posts and in-progress notes for Monday Media. This is the first time I've straight-up skipped a writing goals posts since I started doing them regularly, over ten years ago now, and I don't have any good thoughts as to why. Work has been busy, but I've been busy with work before; my family is stressing me out, but that's not entirely new; I'm doing genuine talk therapy for the first time in my life, which has dredged up stuff to deal with, so maybe there's something there, but I can't find any sort of direct connection; I started playing Civ again, but that not enough of a distraction all on its own.

Ultimately it feels like a new and worse manifestation of the same problem it's been for years, which is that I feel disconnected from fandom community and don't really know how to get that back. I have connections with individual people, but that's not the same thing.

Thoughts are welcome, but that's not why I'm here. Mostly just wanted to pop in and assure everyone that I'm still around, if not talking much in my own space right now. I do still check in and backread every few days, even when I'm not leaving comments. Hope you all are well. <3

owlmoose: (tea - it's good for you)

In prepping to write this post, I realized that I never did this for 2020. Since I only published five stories in 2021, it seems like I might as well wrap the whole thing together here. So here goes.

ExpandStories Written )

ExpandQuestions and Answers )

In Conclusion

Watch this space, I guess, for my soon-to-come writing goals posts, where I try to make sense of all this and decide what comes next.

owlmoose: (athena)

In theory, I was able to take my wrist brace off on Monday. In practice, I've been wearing it about a quarter of the time, and I also wore it to sleep last night. I'm going to see how weaning myself off it goes over the next few days, and then if I'm still having trouble on Friday or so, I'll follow up with my doctor. It's hard to tell how much of the weakness and twinging (especially if I apply any amount of force to my left thumb) is atrophy from not using my arm for several weeks, and how much of it is the injury still not healed. Fortunately, my right arm (mainly my elbow) and side are back to normal (which for my arm doesn't mean 100%, thanks to my old shoulder injury and RSI issues, but it's way, way better than it was).

I also wrapped up my [community profile] wipbigbang draft, which reminds me that I need to check in over there. I have an action scene that's mostly undrafted, but I reached what feels like a good endpoint. I wish I had been able to convince myself not to turn the sequel into part 2 of a trilogy, but it is what it is.

I felt like there was something more to talk about, but I'm blanking on it, so I'll leave the post here. I hope everyone is having an excellent Tuesday (or Wednesday, if that's what it is in your timezone).

owlmoose: (da - alistair)

The story I've been working on for [community profile] wipbigbang was supposed to be a simple sequel to "Face the Music" but it's become increasingly clear that this series needs to be a trilogy. The sequel already 11k words (the original was 12k), I've hit one of the two most important open emotional beats left from the first story, and I have quite a ways to go before I can reasonably reach the second.

This is not what I wanted; I'd really hoped to be done with this. And the last story that turned itself into a trilogy was Wardens of Ivalice, part three of which has been unfinished for several years (I posted part 1 in 2011 and part 2 in 2017), and I'd really rather this not suffer the same fate.

But, there's nothing for it. I don't like dragging a story out past its natural end, and I suspect there is more than enough material for a full-blown Part 3. So it goes.

owlmoose: (cats - tori carrier)

[img: notebook paper with "GYWO 2021" printed in large black
letters with a blue shadow. under that, "writing decathlon" in
handwritten black letters with an orange shadow.]
GetYourWordsOut: Year Thirteen!
Pledges & Requirements | getyourwordsout.net


If you've been following my writing goals posts, you'll know that I missed my goal for 2020 by rather a lot. On the one hand, it would be easy to just throw up my hands and say "well, 2020", but that feels a little too easy. I think my intentional break from fic was a huge part of it; while I still think that was the right choice, journal writing and writing for LB just didn't fill the void as I had hoped. Again, in part because world on fire, and also working at home five days a week instead of commuting to an office four days a week messed with my writing schedule pretty hard. Not to mention that I'm now working more hours and have less flexibility (it's hard to remember sometimes, but I only made that change a year ago and was still adjusting to it when everything went topsy-turvy).

All that said, I feel like I need more continuity and structure in the new year, not less. So I will sign up for GYWO again, and I will do the 240-word habit pledge again. But I may need to be more disciplined and intentional about how I strive for that goal.

Other folks who are signing up, or thinking about signing up, let me know if you want to create some sort of side support group -- regular check-ins and chats here, or setting up something else. Since I'm no longer active in any specific fandom communities really, I want to do a better job of reaching out here and other places where I do have community. I think it will help, not just with writing but with my quality of life in general.
owlmoose: (coffee)

I continue to think about how to make time and space for writing while being a work-from-home employee. I've done a fair number of things improve my space for dayjob work -- two full-size monitors, a laptop dock, an adjustable keyboard tray that I talked my employer into buying (and that took some doing) -- but ways to alter the area to make it more conducive to writing when appropriate have been slower in coming. I have made one discovery, though, which pleases me: the application of coffee.

Ever since I got my first laptop, I've had a mental association between writing and coffee. Taking my computer to a cafe is one of my greatest pleasures, and one of the things I most miss from the before times. Sometimes these trips were productive, and sometimes I ended up spending most of my time socializing online, but it was always a mental recharge. And while I haven't quite figured out a way to replicate the entire experience, I can at least make coffee for myself. I need to avoid caffeine after lunch now (stupid aging), so I've taken to keeping homemade decaf cold brew on hand. It's an excellent afternoon treat, and I make a point of saving it until after I'm done with paid work for the day. As with going to the cafe, I don't always manage to write while I'm drinking it, but it still gives me a signal that it's time to switch gears, whether to fiction writing or journal writing (I have a glass right now!) or [community profile] ladybusiness work or just chatting with folks. A little thing, but it makes me happy. And hey, I have yet to find a cafe that even sells decaf cold brew, so there's even an advantage to making my own.

So that's my new trick for carving out my own space. Any other ideas? What have you tried?

owlmoose: (library - evelyn)
[community profile] marchmetamatterschallenge is a month-long challenge to write new meta and archive your old meta to AO3.

I remember when AO3 was talking about hosting meta but I don't think I knew they had decided to go ahead with it! So this is a great nudge to get my meta saved. In particular, this could be a good opportunity to go through my Tumblr backfiles and pull out anything worth saving -- I think I got most of my fic, but I know there's a ton of meta hidden in there. And maybe even write something new!
owlmoose: (rickman)
Days written: 21/31
Words written: 9,086
Words of fic written: 1,884
Stories worked on: One
Stories posted: One (reveal in January)
Days written in 2018: 244
Words written in 2018: 96,470
Fic words written in 2018: 28,389
Fic words posted in 2018: 23,615

ExpandCharts are here, as usual )

ExpandFinal check on December and 2019 goals )

I mentioned on my Fic Year in Review post that I was thinking about taking a break from fic writing. Not that I will refuse to write fic if ideas strike me -- the exact opposite, in fact -- but a hiatus from pushing myself to do it, from forcing the words to come no matter how intrigued or inspired I am... or I am not. This feels counterintuitive to me in many ways, because for my first several years in fandom, I found that writing was the thing that got me out of the rut. But if those charts above say anything to me, it's that the rut is now a groove, and if I keep rolling hard down this road, I may wear this groove so deep that I'm never getting out. So here's my thought: keep writing, but focus on journaling and other non-fiction writing, not on fanfic. But keep myself open to the possibility of fic, maybe sign up for a challenge or two, and see what happens.

To that end, annual goals:

1. Hit the 240-day Habit Pledge goal for [community profile] getyourwordsout.

2. Post in my journal at least two days per week (not counting Monday Media Musings) and write a full post for Lady Business at least once per month (outside of contributing to group projects.

3. At the end of each quarter, consider whether to add some goal relating to fic to this list.

4. Add every book to Goodreads within a week of finishing it, and continue the Monday Media Musings series.

Goals for January:

1. Participate in [community profile] snowflake_challenge again.

2. Write at least 5 days per week.

3. Finish the Person of Interest essay and post it.

It's hard to think of goals that aren't fic specific. Either it'll come with time, or I'll realize that I really do want to be working on fic, too. But for now I want to take the pressure off. We'll see how it goes.
owlmoose: A bright blue butterfly (butterfly)

In comparison to previous years, this is going to be pretty sad, but for completeness sake.

ExpandStories Written )

ExpandQuestions and Answers )

In Conclusion

I am seriously thinking about taking a hiatus from fic in 2020 and focusing on non-fiction writing instead. Not that I won't write fic if inspired, and I'll probably sign up for at least a couple of exchanges, and I need to consider whether officially back-burnering "Wardens of Ivalice" is a good idea or a terrible idea. I want writing fanfiction to be fun, not a chore, and it increasingly felt like a chore this year. What that looks like, I haven't figured out yet. Conversation on this topic is more than welcome.

owlmoose: (quote - westing game)

The time is coming where I have to decide whether to sign up for [community profile] getyourwordsout again. I haven't officially checked in on my goals for the year yet, but I hit 240 days earlier this week, and fell way, way short of my stretch wordcount goal. I've also found myself very uninspired to write any fic, especially the latter half of this year; DW entries and [community profile] ladybusiness work is a little easier, but I'm still nowhere near where I want to be.

So the obvious question is: where do I want to be? Much as I want to blame this long-term slump on living in the world post-November 2016, the fact is that my creative drive started slipping a few years before that. I've had to adjust to lower levels of inspiration, a decreased ability to concentrate in general, and an unpredictable work schedule. There's a change to that last piece, at least -- I've switched to a 30-hour/week work schedule, which is great for financial stability but it means that I'll have less free time than I've gotten used to having. Then again, maybe that will help. I wrote a lot more and much more consistently when I was still at the art school, despite the fact that I worked at least 40 hours and sometimes more. On the other hand, when I was at that job I felt more free to check in on Tumblr and chat with people during the day. For various reasons, that doesn't work as well in my current organization. I was able to be more active in fandom communities, and that's a huge way I get inspiration for fic writing. I've missed that piece, desperately, over the last couple of years. I enjoy the circle I've built for myself here, but it's not as good for picking up free-floating ideas as Tumblr was, or the old days of LJ. Nothing has come along to replace that creative wellspring, and I'm not sure anything ever will.

All that said, I don't see a good reason not to sign up for the 240-word Habit Pledge again, but I wonder if I should focus on non-fiction writing instead of fiction, at least for the first half of the year. See how it goes. And get serious about scheduling time to write, instead of putting it off and then ending up with no real energy, only a enough time to toss off a few words of a story or a quick journal entry. Worth contemplating, anyway.

owlmoose: (owlmoose 2)
By the rules of the challenge, I know it's okay to skip days and go out of order, but I still feel weird having passed up Days 9 and 10. Oh well, here goes.

Day 11: Talk about your creative process(es) — anything from the initial inspiration to how you feel after something’s done. Do you struggle with motivation or is it a smooth process? Do you have any tricks up your sleeve to pull out when a fanwork isn’t cooperating? What is your level of planning to pantsing/winging it?

I feel like I've written a fair amount about creative process over the years, but it's been awhile, and I have a feeling a lot of what I've written has been in response to Tumblr memes that are now lost to the ages. (I've been contemplating exporting all my original posts from Tumblr and crossposting them somewhere, but it sounds like a lot of work, and I'm not sure what I would do with them. It's weird, knowing how fragmented my online presence became for a few years there.) So this seems like a good opportunity to put a bunch of thoughts in one place.

ExpandUnsurprisingly, this got long. )

So that's my process, more or less. Feel free to share yours, whether or not you're participating in Snowflake. I always enjoy learning from other people's experiences.
owlmoose: (heroes - hiro dino)
Days written: 23/31
Words written: 6,220
Words of fic written: 1,650
Stories worked on: Three
Stories posted: Two
Days written in 2018: 282
Words written in 2018: 92,131
Fic words written in 2018: 47,292
Fic words posted in 2018: 35,240

ExpandCharts kept typing 2019 in the subject bar instead of 2018; guess they're also glad for the year to be over )

ExpandDecember and 2018 wrap-up )

For a rough year, where I lost almost two weeks of writing straight out the gate when I got the flu in January, this could have been a lot worse. But it also could have been much better, especially in terms of output. I feel the most obvious place to start is my biggest change: signing up for a GYWO Habit pledge rather than a Wordcount pledge. I've always wondered if it would make more sense to look at writing days rather than words as my major metric of progress, because days written accounts for editing and story planning much better (whereas wordcount best rewards pure drafting). So to a certain extent, I should have expected wordcount to go down, and not be bothered by it. And I'd be okay with it... except that I posted so few stories, and wrote so few reviews. In part, I fear that tracking days written by itself incentivized me to spread out my projects for longer and write fewer words each day. If you go back and look at my charts, you'll see a lot of days with fewer than 200 words written. Some of are in fact days where my writing time was mostly spent editing. But more often than not, those are days where I sat down at the computer, poked at a story for the 10-15 minutes that I chose to count as a "writing day", and then stopped. Or wrote a post that just barely passed the threshold, or put in a few minutes on Lady Business tasks. Bottom line: I was much too generous in crediting myself with a "writing day", because I was so focused on hitting that 288 number. And when I start fudging the metrics to hit a goal number for the sake of hitting a number, rather than to accomplish whatever it was I created the goal to accomplish, that means the goal is not working.

So, in thinking about where to go next, I've decided to try something new. One thing I discovered from doing the Journeyman Pledge, and especially from setting myself this particular stretch goal, is that 24 days/month is not so much as average as a maximum, most of the time. So, although I've signed up for the same level GYWO pledge again, I'm going to approach it a bit differently. I'll still have 240 days written as a primary goal (with somewhat stricter rules on what counts), but with a stretch goal involving wordcount rather than extra days.

Which leads us to goals. I'm going to start by sharing my annual goals this time, and then those goals will inform what I do in January.

ExpandAnnual and January Goals )
owlmoose: stack of books (book - pile)
This was a light year for many reasons, but I wrote some stuff I was pretty happy with; maybe that makes up for it.

ExpandStories Written )


ExpandQuestions and Answers )

In Conclusion

There's a number of themes I could pull out here, but the one that jumps out at me is just how little I was inspired to write on my own. Except for "The Choice", every single story on here was in response to a prompt from an exchange or a bingo card. When the idea for "The Choice" did come along, I was off to the races, writing like the wind. I'm not sure what this "means" in the big picture, but it's something I need to think about. For one thing, it's probably no accident that I'm writing less fic as I am less involved in the media fandom community -- I've all but quit Tumblr, the new services like Discord and Pillowfort don't entice me to join in, and I haven't really found or participated in Dreamwidth communities to replace them. Chatting meta and seeing other people's thoughts has always been a great source of inspiration for me, and I need to get back to that, somehow. Thoughts for the writing goals post still to come...

Quickly...

Nov. 26th, 2018 06:37 pm
owlmoose: (writing - slave)
Today I had to choose between writing a real post and making serious progress on my story, and the story won out (and will go back to winning out again as soon as I get this posted). Here's to a little more spare time tomorrow.

(This is my first story in ages that isn't written to a prompt, just to a plot bunny that had to get out of my head. Pretty exiting! I hope I can get it posted before the end of the month, but early December, for sure.)
owlmoose: (quote - questions)
One of the most thought-provoking panels I attended at this year's WisCon was entitled "Geekiness and 'Productivity'." Here's the description:

Capitalism tells us that we are only worthwhile when we produce or when we consume. As a result, many of us end up justifying everything we do, whether for work or pleasure, in terms of "productivity": "I'm useful to society because I make widgets." "My crafting/stargazing/gaming/reading/writing make me work better and consume more." "That person is a better geek than me because they spend more money on their hobbies." These kinds of framing buy into and reinforce capitalism. Are there ways of framing geeky pursuits that don't buy into a capitalist framework? Are there ways of justifying our geeky pursuits that don't commodify them? Are there ways to avoid needing to justify our geeky sides at all?


This is the only panel where I took any sort of notes. I didn't start right away, and my notes are a bit sketchy, certainly not any kind of exact transcript. So this will not be a thorough write-up, and not every thought will be attributed. If I ever find a more detailed post, I'll link it here. (And if you're aware of one, please let me know!) My post will be more a summation of the ideas the panelists shared, and the ideas that they sparked in me while I was listening. For panelist names and links to their bios, see the WisCon website. I also recommend checking out the Twitter hashtag, which does have some more detailed quotes, some attributed.

ExpandCutting for length. )
owlmoose: (rickman)
I'm kind of afraid to do this, but oh well. Writing goals are up next.

ExpandStories Written )
owlmoose: (cats - teacup)
Another year comes to a close, and as usual my thoughts turn to the question of what writing goals I should set for myself. Of course, this year has a few weeks to go yet, but 2018 signups for [community profile] getyourwordsout are opening soon, and I've been presented with an interesting new option: Habit Pledges, which measure days written rather than word count. So you set yourself a goal to write on a certain number of days in the year, rather than to hit a particular number of words.

On its face, the idea of this goal is perfect. I've always been skeptical of the idea that word count is the best measure of writing productivity, because it penalizes you for editing, outlining, brainstorming, and anything else that isn't just getting words on the screen. And from the very beginning of my practice of setting writing goals, I've given myself a "writing days" target, every single month. So switching to a Habit Pledge ought to be an obvious choice. But I have two concerns.

1. None of the GYWO options feel like what I need. The three pledge levels are 120 days (about 10 days/month), 240 days (about 20 days/month), and 350 days (almost every day). Although I haven't typically tracked days written per year, most months I set myself a goal of either 5 or 6 writing days per week, and I come close to hitting those numbers more often than not. I did the math for 2017, and I'm already at 254 days written, with over half a month to go and no major writing breaks planned, in what is shaping up to be the year with the lowest word count since I started keeping track. So a pledge of 240 days would not make a particularly interesting challenge. But I can say with absolute certainty that 350 is too much -- I never wrote every day, not even at my most productive, and I already have more than 15 days worth of travel planned in 2018. So if I go with a Habit Pledge, I have to pick something that's either too easy or unattainable, and neither seems like a good choice.

2. I already have the regular writing habit. It may not be as strong a writing habit as I'd like, but even when things aren't going well, I usually manage to sit down and make myself write SOMETHING at a pace close to 20 days per month. One of my main concerns right now is that I'm not giving myself enough sustained writing time to get into a groove and let the words flow. Am I looking at this all wrong? Should I be less concerned with writing something, anything, most days, and more with scheduling myself longer blocks to be productive? A couple of years ago, I tried to schedule writing sprints, but that wasn't particularly successful. That comes back to my other creative issue lately: inspiration. Either I don't have ideas, or I have ideas that never go anywhere, or I get started on an idea and then get lost in the weeds of where to take it next. Prompts can help with the first two issues, but they don't help me much with the third. Anyway, all this is to say that I'm not sure that a Habit Pledge is going to fix the creative woes that are ailing me. Would signing up for 150k words again, and taking it more seriously this time rather than just using the community for structure, make more of a difference? Or would it just depress me to set an ambitious goal and miss it yet again? I honestly do not know the answer to this question.

So, any thoughts? Any other GYWO participants thinking about switching to a Habit Pledge, and if so what are you choosing and why? I'd love to hear what other folks are doing with their 2018 writing plans.
owlmoose: (da - alistair)
I fleshed out a scene in the Alistair-during-Inquisition story! I'd been putting it off because so much of the work was transcribing and re-working dialogue straight from the game, but it was nice to get it over with, and now I can move into the parts where I have more freedom. (Most of this story, I can imagine it actually happened in the background of the canonical game, since we never actually see what drunken Alistair gets up to during the time of Inquisition. But I did want to put him in the scene where Stroud first meets the Inquisitor, which necessitated following canon a little more closely.)

I've also written most of a Ladies Bingo story, which I have dreams of posting tomorrow. Wish me luck.
owlmoose: (narnia - edmund coat)
There's been a lot of discussion in the last year or so regarding how the world being on fire all the time has affected people's creativity, in most cases not for the better. One of the people articulated the problem particularly well was John Scalzi:

I’m not trying to be mysterious about what it is about 2017 that is different. The answer is obvious: Trump is president, and he’s a peevish bigoted incompetent surrounded by the same, and he’s wreaking havoc on large stretches of the American experience, both in his own person and by the chaos he invites. But to say “well, Trump,” is not really to give an answer with regard to what’s different. We’ve had terrible presidents before — George W. Bush springs to mind — and yet my ability to create work was not notably impacted.... The thing is, the Trump era is a different kind of awful. It is, bluntly, unremitting awfulness. The man has been in office for nine months at this point and there is rarely a week or month where things have not been historically crappy... Maybe other people can focus when Shitty America is large and in charge, but I’m finding it difficult to do.


I don't feel like I can blame my own dwindling productivity entirely on the Trump era, because my slump started a few years earlier, in the latter half of 2013, but it's certainly become more of a problem. For one, I allowed myself too high an expectation that everything would be better when 2016 was over. By that summer, I was just hanging on until November, when the presidential election would happen and be over and we could all get on with our lives. And then November came, and instead of getting the closure I needed, I got a scary new world, and the crushing disappointment of that was difficult to manage. As 2017 went on, the uncertainty continued, and although it hasn't been all bad news, the bad stuff has been unusually terrible, and the good things seem few and far between. Add in an irregular work schedule and my ongoing minor but persistent health issues, and there are days and weeks where I find it almost impossible to concentrate on writing anything, whether it be fiction, reviews, or journal entries.

It's not just writing, though -- it's also reading. I think I've mentioned before that concentrating on long-form reading is also more for me difficult these days. When I'm looking for escapism, it's a lot easier to escape into a tv show, a podcast, or a game. It's no accident that I latched onto Critical Role in 2016 and The Adventure Zone in 2017 -- both audio-based media, long-form storytelling in a rich fantasy world, with hundreds of hours of content. My current binge is the TV series Person of Interest, which I've been watching for about a month (I'm well into the fourth season, and I plan to write a separate post about it once I've finished).

Right now, all I feel I can do about this issue is name it, and own it. I've had difficulty with that second part, largely because I feel unfair doing so. In most respects, I have the social and economic privileges to be sheltered from most of the problems -- white, straight, cisgender, financially secure. How dare I claim to be as deeply affected by this situation as those whose lives are literally endangered? On one level, I know that's silly, but on deeper levels it's a hard feeling to shake. So here I am, attempting to shake it off by stepping forward and saying "yes, I too am having this problem," to remind myself and everyone else that we're all in this crappy situation together. I don't know whether it'll make a difference in the end, but I feel better putting it out in the open.
owlmoose: (ff13 - vanille)
In the age of Twitter and Instagram and Facebook, it's probably fair to ask why I still consider Dreamwidth to be my primary blogging platform, and why I continue on with the tradition of posting every day in November. If past evidence suggests that a burst of writing in November doesn't carry into greater productivity in the rest of the year, if it's not about changing habits, why bother?

I have a couple of answers. One, I already touched on in my writing goals post from yesterday: tradition. I've been doing this "post every day" project in some form or another since 2006, and to my recollection I've only missed this goal twice. Tradition and ritual are two of the ways I make sense of the world, and given how much it can feel like the world is crumbing around us at the moment, I think it's important to hold to whatever stability we still have left.

The other is format. I genuinely believe that long-form writing is the medium most suited to getting across most of my thoughts. Twitter threads are fun, but they are not the best way to get across long and complex thoughts, no matter how people try. I realize this is a lost battle, so I won't fight it elsewhere, but I can at the least be the change I want to see. So although I'll sometimes toss off a thread of three or maybe four tweets, if I want to say anything more in-depth, here is where I will bring it. That's part of the reason I collect links here, too -- so I have a more permanent records of the things I've seen and shared. No website is forever, but I have more trust Dreamwidth to stick around for awhile than I do Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook. (Not to mention the various ad targeting and privacy issues.) So I don't want to lose the habit of writing longer things.

Finally, I have to mention the DW community. I've been part of this community for a long time now, and although not as many people are around as used to be, it's been such an important part of my online life that I can't imagine letting it go. On Twitter I bounce in and out, and I've largely drifted away from Tumblr, but DW is my home base. Joining [community profile] ladybusiness has only strengthened that tie (and brought me new friends!). I'm glad we're all still here, and I hope to be here making new friends and keeping the old for many years to come.

April 2025

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