KJ

Well, hello.

• Transformative Works Policy: Anyone is welcome to make transformative works based on my fic, or link to/comment on any of my writing including my posts here, without permission, although a pingback is always appreciated!


• Current Passion Once upon a time I broke my Civilization addiction, but I got back into it this fall. Hopefully it won't last much longer. My primary fandoms are Final Fantasy, Dragon Age, the MCU, and Critical Role, but I haven't been super active in any of them for the past few years. Attempting to rediscover my passion for fandom is a long-running desire of mine.


• Where to Find Me: In as much as I'm active anywhere these days... the site I check every day without fail is Twitter (iamkj), for all its recent failings, and inertia is likely to keep me there until the lights go out. DW is the social media site I feel the strongest personal attachment to. I've started dipping my toes back into Tumblr (owlmoose95), but I'm not really in the habit of checking it regularly yet. But it's the most likely site to serve as a Twitter replacement for me. And I'm still playing Flight Rising (my profile page) if you want to come find me there. I also use Instagram and Facebook, but I'm only likely to add you there if I know you IRL. If you meet that criteria and are interested, let me know.


• Master List: Most of my fic is posted on AO3 (owlmoose). My non-fiction writing is here and on ladybusiness


• Anything Else: This is the first time I've posted to DW in over two months. There's a lot I could say about that, but every time I think about laying it all out, I get paralyzed, and I don't do it. So instead I'm just going to jump back in like nothing ever happened and see if I can manage do complete some Fandom Snowflake challenges, no pressure, just whatever seems fun or worthwhile.

This is the first time I've posted anything in over a month. Which means I skipped my writing goals post for July and have not yet posted one for August (and do not currently plan to do so). I also skipped both GYWO checkins and have barely noted any writing days during that time -- mostly ladybusiness anchor posts and in-progress notes for Monday Media. This is the first time I've straight-up skipped a writing goals posts since I started doing them regularly, over ten years ago now, and I don't have any good thoughts as to why. Work has been busy, but I've been busy with work before; my family is stressing me out, but that's not entirely new; I'm doing genuine talk therapy for the first time in my life, which has dredged up stuff to deal with, so maybe there's something there, but I can't find any sort of direct connection; I started playing Civ again, but that not enough of a distraction all on its own.

Ultimately it feels like a new and worse manifestation of the same problem it's been for years, which is that I feel disconnected from fandom community and don't really know how to get that back. I have connections with individual people, but that's not the same thing.

Thoughts are welcome, but that's not why I'm here. Mostly just wanted to pop in and assure everyone that I'm still around, if not talking much in my own space right now. I do still check in and backread every few days, even when I'm not leaving comments. Hope you all are well. <3

I took a look at my past goals and how I felt about them, and I've decided that, unlike writing goals, reading goals are a source of stress rather than motivation. Better, I think, to set habits of reading and reviewing, while still keeping an eye on things like creator and character diversity. But I will commit to these things:

1. Update StoryGraph within 24 hours of finishing a book. I don't need to write a full review, but I do need to make a note of when I finished and a star rating.

2. Set 30 books as my annual StoryGraph goal for 2022. Last year's goal was 36; StoryGraph says I read 24, which seems about right, but I don't discount the possibility that I might have forgotten a couple.

3. Continue to prioritize books by authors of color. Last year's numbers on this are pretty bad -- 7 books by 4 authors. In part that's because I did more re-reading than usual. I reread all of Murderbot and a good chunk of October Daye, and while I enjoyed both of those projects very much, it skews my total very white. As I revisit my TBR (which I did manage to cull quite substantially) I plan to keep an eye on this aspect of which books I choose.

Your main fandom of the year? I wrote the most stuff for and paid the most attention to Dragon Age -- getting back into the games definitely helped with that, although my replay time dropped off a lot when I started revisiting Ace Attorney, and now it's all about Hades. But I'm about done with Hades, so going back to DA again (next up is Awakenings) is definitely part of the plan for 2022.

Your favorite movie seen this year? Nothing really stands out. Maybe Free Guy as the most recently memorable, anyway.

Your favorite book read this year? Toss up between Jade Legacy by Fonda Lee and The Mask of Mirrors by M.A. Carrak.

Your favorite album or song to listen to this year? Probably the most honest answer to this question is the Ace Attorney Trilogy soundtracks and other Ace Attorney music.

Your favorite TV show of the year? Maybe Ted Lasso (both seasons) or Only Murders in the Building, although Arcane was also excellent.

Your favorite video game of the year? No question, Hades. We haven't reached the epilogue yet -- and may decide it's not worth the grinding it would take to get there -- but it's one of the most perfect mergers of gameplay and storytelling I've ever seen, and its Best Game Hugo award was richly deserved.

Your best new fandom discovery of the year? Not sure I have one.

Your biggest fandom disappointment of the year? WorldCon. I decided somewhat last minute not to attend in person (it sounds like I made the right decision), the timing made it impossible for me to engage virtually, and while for the most part the Hugo ceremony and the slate of winners made me really happy, the last minute announcement that weapons manufacturer Raytheon was sponsoring the ceremony cast a serious shadow over the whole thing. There's a bunch of reasons I haven't talked about that issue in more detail here, but I can say that the finalists were as blindsided as everyone else by that piece of information, and almost everyone was extremely unhappy about it. Probably I should write a real post about this later. I do want to make clear that I do not include the fact that Best Fanzine was awarded to Nerds of a Feather in that disappointment -- NoaF is a fantastic blog run by an amazing team, and their recognition with a Hugo rocket was long overdue.

Your fandom boyfriend/girlfriend of the year? Zagreus (from Hades) and Vi and Caitlin (from Arcane).

Your biggest squee moment of the year? The SF Giants winning the National League West. I wish they'd gotten further in the playoffs, but just watching them pull off that accomplishment was a huge rush.

The most missed of your old fandoms? As usual the answer to this is everything. How do I even fandom anymore?

The fandom you haven't tried yet, but want to? Not sure. Maybe Arcane? Hades?

Your biggest fan anticipations for the coming year? Top of this list is Horizon Forbidden West, the sequel to Horizon Zero Dawn that is due to be released in February.

1. WorldCon started today. Because I'm not planning to take any time off work (as I did for Wisconline in 2020), I feel very disconnected from the fact that it's even happening. I'm certainly not in a con headspace at all. I signed up for the Discord and I certainly plan to watch the Hugos but otherwise I'm not sure whether I'll even attend any virtual programming. Anyone who's attending virtually have any recommendations?

2. Rainy weather has begun in earnest, which is good for many reasons. But it's also been quite dark in the mornings, which makes it harder to get myself motivated to do things. We did take the excuse to make soup on Sunday (beef pho), and I also make chocolate toffee park and peppermint bark. I have the ingredients for candied lemons also, but I haven't gotten the energy to make them yet. Maybe tomorrow. More likely Friday.

3. I am dealing with a scattering of health issues that I don't really feel like talking about in detail here. Rest assured that they are annoying but not serious; however, even only annoying health issues certainly zap said motivation even further. I have plans to deal with them more fully in the new year, but for now I just have to manage the status quo. Wish me luck.

4. We're still playing Hades, although right now it's more like T plays Hades and I watch, or occasionally take a turn with God Mode on. ( Spoilers I guess? ) It's all really fascinating and I hope we get to figure out how it all comes together.

5. I don't think I have a fifth thing, actually, but I do like the neatness of following a meme format, so I'll leave it at that.

Sign Ups Start April 1st

Welcome to the eighth round of WIP Big Bang, a big bang with the goal of helping to finish your pesky WIPs with encouragement and art for the fic. We are located on Dreamwidth, Livejournal and Tumblr as well as Twitter. Our 2021 schedule and FAQ are here for your convenience. We hope to see you there!

I've participated twice before, and I've found it very motivating every time. This year: finish up the sequel to "Face the Music", my DA AU that brings Wandering Drunk!Alistair into DA:I canon. I had sort of intended my most recent DA:I game to create a world state where it could be set, but it doesn't quite fit with either the canon I've already established in the first story, or with where I want this story to go -- that Inquisitor sided with the templars, and I can't bring myself to kill Fiona in a story featuring Alistair.

Anyway! So if you have a long WIP that's been languishing, or a hankering to do some art, I highly recommend signing up. Maybe I'll see you there.

Take the first line of the first post of each month, and that's your year in review. (Skipping writing goals posts.)

January: Orphan Black: I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I was rewatching this; I caught up to where I'd left off (the first episode of the final season) and then finished it this week. [Remember when I did Monday Media Musings? I miss that habit, although Monday probably isn't the best day for it. I need to get back to it next year.]

February: I am pleased to report that on this Groundhog Day, which is also a palindrome day — 02/02/2020, the rare palindrome day that works no matter where you live — Punxsutawney Phil, groundhog extraordinaire, has predicted an early spring.

March: The con is happening as planned! [Re. FogCon. I've idly wondered if FogCon was the last in-person fandom con of 2020. It was the second weekend of March; if it had been even a weekend later, I'm sure it wouldn't have happened. Maybe we shouldn't have done it, but I'm glad we did -- the residual glow from that social interaction helped get me through those first few months.]

April: I moved the laptop all the way from my desk to the Poang chair in my bedroom area. [And have yet to do it again. When I need a change of scene, I go to the couch downstairs. But that spot is mostly for socialization, so it isn't the best creative writing spot either. But I've talked about this at length, and still have no real answers. That's a topic for the 2021 writing goals post, anyway.]

May: Yesterday was Bryn Mawr May Day, a celebration of the end of classes held on the last Sunday of the spring term, the turning point between the end of classes and the beginning of finals.

June: So the TV show I finished watching in its entirety most recently was Elementary, and I enjoyed it very well, even the uneven and rushed last season; I started writing up a review that I'd planned to post last week.

July: So much for posting four days a week. [Posted on July 10th.]

August: Last week, my employer announced that we will not be returning to our offices in 2020.

September: I have now played six full games of Civ 6 and collected four of the five victory types. [Still playing, although I plan to take at least a hiatus after my current game.]

October: Thursday morning, 8:30 AM [The start of a post about my houseboat trip that I never actually finished writing]

November: I wanted to give this a little more visibility than where it's currently hiding in my November writing goals post: two lists of prompts for codex entries about Dragon Age OCs.

December: Okay, I am 100% aware that I'm going to be in the minority on this but... [Re. the DA4 trailer]

About half of these relate to life during the pandemic, which seems about right. An accurate picture of 2020, to be sure.

Is not terribly satisfying, I have to admit. But I've already skipped two days this month and don't want to make a habit of it.

Oh, here's a thing: we made chocolate crackle cookies today. I love this kind of cookie and have never made them before. I think they're a tad under baked, but better that than the other way around. It was a fair bit of work and a little messy, and I think I'll use less espresso powder next time, but definitely a good addition to the rotation.

I've started a couple of posts on the discussions and revelations of abuse and harassment that consumed my Twitter feed for most of last week (and composed even more of them in my head), but now that things are slowing down it feels less crucial to say anything, if it ever even was necessary for me to wade in. I guess more and more now I'm thinking about fandom history, and how it gets slowly lost over time. For just one example, I have many friends, now, who either weren't yet in fandom during Racefail or were in different corners of it, and so they don't remember watching it unfold in real time and didn't live through the active fallout from it. This thread by clairewillett, in particular, served as a wake-up call to me. And it's a pattern not just with large-scale events like Racefail, but these waves of abuse accusations that come out every so often, and how often it seems like we see a name multiple times with no consequences. How do does a community impose lasting consequences when that community's memory is in a constant state of flux? And how do we provide space for people to get better and change, while prioritizing the safety and comfort of the people who they hurt? (Because if that's the choice we have to make, I'm definitely picking the latter.)

I want to say right now that I'm not interested in litigating the veracity of any of the charges, past or current. I don't know most of these folks and, in most cases, I don't have a vested interest in whether any specific creator's career is preserved. That's not what I care about, here. What I want is a climate where survivors feel supported in coming forward, and a culture where we understand why someone might choose not to do so. And I want a world where abuse and harassment have consequences. And I want a world where marginalized people feel welcome in fandom communities. Sometimes I feel like we're taking steps to create that world, and sometimes I despair of it being a world we'll ever see. But I have to believe that we're getting there, that every painful bandage we rip off will allow the wound beneath to heal a little more.

Speaking up works: the OTW has promised to release a public statement addressing racism. While I wish it hasn't taken this much pressure to get them to act, and of course we'll have to see 1. what they actually say and 2. how the statement is followed up with action, I'm cautiously pleased to see them reverse course on their policy of silence.

That said, I think it's still worth keeping the pressure up, and this open letter is very good. I recommend reading it, and signing if you feel so moved. Also, board elections are coming up, and none of the candidates (there are six candidates for three positions) address racism in their statements. If you're an OTW member, you can submit questions for the candidates here.