KJ

So, hello. It's been a long time. Years, really, since I've posted or participated in fandom or public online activity in any consistent fashion. I apologize for basically falling off the face of the earth, in terms of keeping up my online relationships and fannish connections. There are a lot of reasons for this, and I'll probably share some of them eventually, but for the moment, I'm here with news: I've been laid off from my federal contracting job of nearly 10 years.

( Details behind the cut. )

Anyway, I received notice two weeks ago; I'm on paid administrative leave through early May, and then will receive my accumulated vacation pay and (probably) somewhere between 1-2 months of severance. I am extremely fortunate that our financial situation is such that I don't need to find a new job right away (and it's a terrible time to look for work in my field anyway, with a situation this unstable), so I consider myself to be on an unplanned sabbatical. For now, my biggest task (besides resting and recharging) is figuring out how to spend my time in the short run. I find the structure of paid employment really helpful; without that, my days could evaporate into a haze of sitting around the house. Options that come to mind include travel (some of which is already tentatively planned, like BMC reunion and WorldCon), writing, reading (I've barely read any books the last few years), professional development, and activism. One complicating factor is that T is also not working (he got laid off in 2018 and ultimately decided to retire), so he's almost always around, and I have to factor him into my daily schedule in a way I haven't when I've been between jobs in the past.

Obviously I am very behind on my reading here, but one way I hope to structure my time is to get back into the habit of reading, commenting, and posting. In this time of chaos and uncertainty, one important thing we can do is build and maintain our connections, and coming back to my DW community is one way for me to start that process. So if you are also feeling lost or blindsided, or just want to chat, feel free to reach out. I will do my best to be here.

I'm sitting at a cafe table with my laptop and a latte and I can barely believe it.

I only have about 20 minutes before I have to head off to the next thing so I won't get much done, but it's totally worth it.

Well, sort of. In a very minor way. A few weeks ago, I saw a call on Twitter asking people to share their last photo from the Before Times and their first photo after the start of the pandemic. I submitted mine, and my "after" photo was included in the resulting video! It's literally blink-and-you-miss-it, because it just appears for a few seconds in a montage of "working from home" images a little bit after the five minute mark, but still, pretty cool, and my name is in the credits at the end.

It would have been neat to be interviewed for the piece, but I understand why I wasn't. Still, I did think my photos told a little bit of a story. My last pre-lockdown photo was a snap I took to note the wifi password at the coffee shop where I stopped for a drink and a bit of a write on my way to FogCon; my first post-pandemic photo was to document my brand new work-from-home setup. Two writing spaces, one temporary, one far more permanent than I ever expected it to be. It was an interesting exercise, one that I recommend if you're up for it.

I don't have anything particularly insightful to say about the events of yesterday. I spent far too much time doomscrolling and not nearly enough time doing anything else. Today was a little better, but only a little. It's been a challenge to focus on much and not pull up Twitter every few minutes.

I do want to mark the victories in Georgia. So much love and thanks to everyone who made that dream a reality. The election of Senator-elect Warnock, in particular; I have so much hope for him as a political leader.

Thirteen days to go. If we make it that far.

By watching YouTube, specifically work-from-home news bloopers. I particularly enjoyed this one, which includes the old classic of the North Korean expert on the BBC when his kids wandered in to the room, but I mostly share it here for the final segments of cats very much being cats, and refusing to be on camera when the reporter actually wanted them there.

I'll write something real tomorrow, I promise.

I remember 2000 too well to feel completely secure in the outcome of the presidential election, but as of now, the news is good and getting better. Let's hope it all holds.

Hang in there, everyone.

One of my most important rituals, ingrained in me for as long as I can remember, is the sacred responsibility of voting in every election. And except for my four years of college (I stayed registered to vote in California, so I was never there in November) and the gubernatorial recall election of 2003 (I was on a trip to Japan), I have always voted in person on Election Day. There are a number of reasons for this, but I'd cite two as the most important -- I appreciate having the extra time to do research on the propositions (my hatred of the proposition system is a topic I have discussed at length, so I won't go into that right now), and I feel drawn to the public aspect of going to my polling place, casting my vote, and getting a little sticker. It's hard to explain my attachment to the "I voted" sticker -- perhaps it goes back to November 1992, my first general election, when I did vote absentee and Sonoma County included a sticker along with my ballot (it was an old-style butterfly ballot, not yet infamous for its hanging chads, and they also gave me a little metal stick I could use to punch out my choices), and I was so delighted by it that not receiving one feels like a let down. It's a simple thing, that sticker, but it makes me feel like a part of something larger, and so does voting in public, with my community.

Not to reject the importance of providing more options to voters: early voting, permanent absentee status, offering everyone the opportunity to vote by mail. One big antidote to voter suppression is making voting as simple as possible, and moving to vote by mail does that in a big way. So I appreciate the states that do it, and I appreciate that California sent a ballot to every registered voter in the state this year because of the pandemic, and I wouldn't be at all surprise if we make this change permanent. So while it pains me a little to have done this, I filled out my ballot last night and put it in the mail today. And if I have to adjust to this as a permanent change, I will do it, even if it makes me a little sad.

And hey, just like in 1992, they included a sticker! Next Tuesday, I will wear it with pride, even if I never end up leaving the house. Such is civic participation during a global pandemic.

I've started a couple of posts on the discussions and revelations of abuse and harassment that consumed my Twitter feed for most of last week (and composed even more of them in my head), but now that things are slowing down it feels less crucial to say anything, if it ever even was necessary for me to wade in. I guess more and more now I'm thinking about fandom history, and how it gets slowly lost over time. For just one example, I have many friends, now, who either weren't yet in fandom during Racefail or were in different corners of it, and so they don't remember watching it unfold in real time and didn't live through the active fallout from it. This thread by clairewillett, in particular, served as a wake-up call to me. And it's a pattern not just with large-scale events like Racefail, but these waves of abuse accusations that come out every so often, and how often it seems like we see a name multiple times with no consequences. How do does a community impose lasting consequences when that community's memory is in a constant state of flux? And how do we provide space for people to get better and change, while prioritizing the safety and comfort of the people who they hurt? (Because if that's the choice we have to make, I'm definitely picking the latter.)

I want to say right now that I'm not interested in litigating the veracity of any of the charges, past or current. I don't know most of these folks and, in most cases, I don't have a vested interest in whether any specific creator's career is preserved. That's not what I care about, here. What I want is a climate where survivors feel supported in coming forward, and a culture where we understand why someone might choose not to do so. And I want a world where abuse and harassment have consequences. And I want a world where marginalized people feel welcome in fandom communities. Sometimes I feel like we're taking steps to create that world, and sometimes I despair of it being a world we'll ever see. But I have to believe that we're getting there, that every painful bandage we rip off will allow the wound beneath to heal a little more.

Speaking up works: the OTW has promised to release a public statement addressing racism. While I wish it hasn't taken this much pressure to get them to act, and of course we'll have to see 1. what they actually say and 2. how the statement is followed up with action, I'm cautiously pleased to see them reverse course on their policy of silence.

That said, I think it's still worth keeping the pressure up, and this open letter is very good. I recommend reading it, and signing if you feel so moved. Also, board elections are coming up, and none of the candidates (there are six candidates for three positions) address racism in their statements. If you're an OTW member, you can submit questions for the candidates here.

The Supreme Court ruled yesterday, in a 6-3 decision, that existing federal civil rights laws protect LGBTQ people in the workplace.

This is a big deal. Like, a really big deal. Maybe the most important court case ever to be decided in favor of LGBTQ rights. And it's beautiful to have a real ray of light, here in the darkest timeline. Not everything is fixed; far, far from it. But this one change has been made for the better, and in a big, unmistakable way.

(Message was supposed to go up yesterday; neglected to hit post.)