"Salvage"

[owlmoose]

It's done; the last chapter is up. I'm not completely happy with this chapter (I don't think it's bad, I'm just vaguely dissatisfied with it), but it's been finished, in basically this form, for days, and all I've been able to do is poke at it, not make any real improvements. So time to declare it complete and post.

That aside, I liked writing this. It was a nice change from AGL; not epic or sweeping, the main character neither difficult nor complex. Just a few moments in the life of Paine. And it was an interesting challenge to view her through another person's eyes for a little while.

Now, what next? Hmm.

Comments

I

[kunstarniki.livejournal.com]

I know that feeling of disquiet. Alas, I can offer no remedy. If it helps at all, I thought the last chapter was beautifully written and entirely satisfactory to the reader. I am very glad you wrote this. :)

Re: I

[owlmoose.livejournal.com]

Thank you; I'm glad you liked it. (Your review was, itself, a sort of remedy... so thank you for that as well.) It's not so much that I was dissatisfied with what I wrote, it's more that I feel like there is something missing, that I *told* of Paine's improved state but never really *showed* it -- we just have to take Berrik's word for it that she's made some sort of peace with herself. Does that make sense?

Regardless, I'm glad I wrote this too. :)

I

[kunstarniki.livejournal.com]

It seemed to me that Paine in her words and behaviour as Berrik showed us, proved she had come to terms with her sorrow and loss. I never lost track of her improving condition and saw no conflict in what Berrik reported and how she would naturally evolve. You know I was paying close attention to see if she continued to mourn for Nooj. ;)

Re: I

[owlmoose.livejournal.com]

You know I was paying close attention to see if she continued to mourn for Nooj.

I figured you might be watching for that. ;) Is it clear that she does? By the end of this piece, she's become able to background her feelings for and about him, to set them aside so that she can get on with her life, but she's not over him. Not in the slightest.

I

[kunstarniki.livejournal.com]

she's not over him

That was quite clear. One of the really excellent impressions you somehow managed was to show that her relations with all other persons were heavily coloured by her memories of Nooj. Even through Berrik's eyes, the prism through which Paine saw the world was evident. He knew it, obviously, but did not want to voice it for fear of making it more real. There is great subtleness in your writing here - a delicacy of touch which shows a maturing talent. I do not think you missed anything and, like me, are inclined to read too critically toward the end of a piece.

Re: I

[owlmoose.livejournal.com]

Ah, glad to hear this. One of the things I really wanted to accomplish here was to have Nooj be a real presence in this story even though his name is barely even mentioned. Actually, initially I had wanted to not use his name at all, but then the Gippal bit presented itself and I simply couldn't resist.

I have got to write another story with both of them actually in it. All this pining and backstory and hinting at their history... it's fun, in a sadistic sort of way, but I miss having them together.

I

[kunstarniki.livejournal.com]

I have got to write another story with both of them actually in it.

That sound you hear is me panting in anticipation. ;)