Better than purple

More lines.

Jon Carroll has his own unique riff on "When I Am An Old Woman, I Will Wear Purple" in his column today.

When I am old guy, I will eat things that are bad for me. When I am asked the secret of my longevity, I will mention eating things that are bad for me. When I am an old guy, I will lie a lot....

I will agree with every nice thing said about me. I will expand upon the nice thing, and flatter myself outrageously. I will ignore all the bad things said about me, unless someone becomes rude. Then I will pull a pen out of my pocket and stick it under his nose and say, "Do you know what this is?" Alarming nonsense is the refuge of the old guy....

When I am an old guy, I will sit on a cross-country train and ask children to bring me things. I will flirt with their mothers and say outrageous things. I will also flirt with their fathers, because why not?

And, because I'm always a sucker for the Eliot references:

When I am old guy, I will eat a peach. I will eat many peaches. I will walk in the water and get my trousers wet. I will hear the mermaids singing and I will say, "Yo, mermaids. Over here!"

As long as he doesn't drown.

Story for lovers of words

"The Grammarian's Five Daughters"

This was linked to on fanficrants today. An odd place to find it, perhaps, but it's a simply glorious piece, unusual and beautiful. Highly recommended -- I think many of you would appreciate it.